I think

im gonna stop trying....

ITS....

not getting any easier, all i do is watch youtube videos all day :/

First post Ever

So i never thought i would use this crap, EVER i signed up for this for an online philosophy class which i dropped in the winter. I haven't touched this thing since. But now i cant seem to do anything because all i can think about is her. So i guess ill just express everything through this crap. So we just broke up yesterday and i know it was for the best, it was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do in my life, i thought i was ready, this passed weekend i was sure of it, i was gonna visit her at UCI sit her down, talk about our relationship see how she though of it, tell her what i thought and BAM! But when it came to it it was fully of tears sobbing and incomplete sentences, almost all of it from me. How do you tell someone that you were sure you were gonna marry that you can no longer be with them because of what God wants for you. It just seemed so i dont know, not good enough? I explained it pretty well to her and she understood and got where i was coming from, which made it so much harder, how can the girl that i love and that seems to be perfect for me, not be the one for ME? It sucks because she WAS/IS the perfect girl, but the fact that God is not number 1 in her life, makes her unperfect. I know this is what i needed to do, but now that I've done it, i cant stop thinking about her. This was the worst time to do it also our 2 years is this Friday and i have nothing to do for this summer but work, so im stuck at home doing nothing but looking at her myspace and facebook all day, seeing how much of it she changes, refreshing her site 10 times a minute. I need to do something, but what? I know this is the Time to focus on God but its so hard, i have so much to do yet, i say i have nothing to do? kinda stupid, im just being lazy i guess. all i want to do is just sit and sulk. Its kind of funny because not a lot of people know yet, i dont even think my group of friends know yet, EVERYONE though we were the perfect couple, but no one knew how i felt inside, how much God was nagging at my heart on how this relationship was wrong. I just hope if anyone reads this they understand why i did. If this even makes sense, im pretty much all over the place right now, this is my firs time doing this since XANGA which was like 6 years ago so im a little rusty with the order of things this is just to help out to vent with how i feel so i can stop being like THIS! aaahhhh THANKS GENELLE ARROYO for recommending this lol i hope o spelled your last name right! ok off to the salvation army! PEACE!