Tuesday, December 8, 2009

So theres a couple thats been sitting across from me talking about life, politics, religion. Ive always wanted to do that with someone :/ Totally jealous!

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Friday, November 6, 2009

Man....

It feels like things are going back to how they were before, here comes the depression.... it sucks how some people really just dont get it, you dont get the hint, dont get the point, so whats the point? IM pretty tired of caring so much, it sucks this is happening when i am doing this stupid diet. its hard enough i have nothing in my stomach which means no nutrients which in turn means no energy but the person i want the most by my side is AGAIN too busy to care, too busy to talk, too busy to text back. I guess its true that God is the only ONE you can depend on. Lord give me the strength to stay on this diet. you are the only one i can count on for strength and encouragement.

So today at work got pretty bad its now my 4rth day on the lemonade but my 5th day dieting and i got dizzy as a mofo and felt very lethargic hopefully it gets better and i get passed this. I just want someone to talk to you know. doesnt that suck being in a relationship but still feel like you have no one to talk to. I guess i just gotta build that bridge again and get over it like i get over everything else.

Friday, October 30, 2009

It really sucks to put yourself out there, feel awkward and make a fool out of yourself for the person you care most about, only to have them reject you in your face...... :( but not once or twice but 3 freaken times.....

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Saturday, October 24, 2009

lifes emotions IS a rollercoaster

lifes emotions IS a rollercoaster and here it is again going downhill.....

Friday, October 9, 2009

one more try Just 1

one more try Just 1 MORE

Thursday, October 8, 2009

i lost her.... its over.....

i lost her.... its over.....

her birthday

i cant even talk to her on her brithday cuz shes out with her friends at 12 am. pretty , what a great end to my day...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

depression

you know ive been trying so hard to make things better. tonight i decided to make my final push to make things better for us. i was being nice, cute on the phone. and i really tried for us to talk and be like how it was before but for you to fall asleep while we were doing devotion really really hurt. after we hung up i ended up crying for a bit because it just sucks, i was so excited for this. i thought to myself "this is the right thing to do we are able to truly talk about God and learn about him" And for you to fall asleep our first time doing it, and not just once but 3 times. You just dont care and you arent trying. And it hurts so much because you just dont seem to care about this relationship enough to try now. How is it so easy to be on facebook doing mindless things, and so hard for you to stay awake when you are talking to me, and during a devotion to? I'm tired of trying so hard, im tired of being the one that feels bad for making you feel bad. im tired of getting hurt i just dont want to try anymore. I told myself this was my last real push to try to make thins good between us. and I TRIED MY HEART OUT but it just isnt enough. i was hesitant to type this on here but i dont care anymore, whats the point of this if i dont express how i feel, plus not very many people read this anyway. But if you do, i just want you to know, tonight you have hurt me worse then you have ever did before. but im not going to tell you. im just going to sit here and take it all in and if i have to cry by myself. I really just dont know what to do anymore...

Monday, October 5, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

These past few 5 weeks have been

the most depressing weeks of my life, im not even kidding, this is no exageration i really have been feeling down and in the slumps. and the worst part is when it seems like its getting better it goes back to CRAP, which makes it worse! i hate getting my hopes up and getting happy then getting even more sad it sucks, and frankly it pisses me off a little. but what can you do about it right, you go through these things to be a better person. have a stronger heart, better character; or at least thats what i hope i come out to be when this is over, IF it even ends.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

lord i pray that you help me through my struggles and that you let me lean on your shoulder 100% and not on my own strength help me to let go and trust that everything is and was always in your hands, because i am honestly sick and tired of feeling the way i have been its time to put all of my trust back into you AMEN!

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Saturday, July 18, 2009

in th PI

so its been a while since i have blogged. Im here in the PI at the internet cafe by ate knatz' house, ken kimi and char are with me. We just got back from baguio a few hours ago, it was an 8 hours drive!!! well the trip is more than half way over!! and its been pretty amazing! so much has happened, ive kept a journal on my laptop but im hesitant to put it on here if u say so i will, haha but ya 2morrow we perform at word of hope church which sits over a thousand people at their 8 am service! pray for us please! then after the first halfof the missions team gors back to the states! i hope u guys are ready i bought a lot of pasalubong, well not really haha but man i love the cheap prices. im about to get a 2 hour massage for 10 bucks! mmwwwaaahahahah and they do it at the house in our air conditioned room, man the life of a missionary is HARD!@ HEHE SEE U GUYS IN 3 WEEKS!

Monday, June 29, 2009

so we are on the plane waiting to go to the PI they delayed our flight so we can arrive there at 3:30 in the morning! well i gtg they said we have to turn off our phones! talk to you guys in pinas!

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Man! back to back and hopefully TO BACK awesome weekends! 2 weeks agao i was able to go up north to vallejo with the missions team to perform for chars church! it was amazing! i was able to perform for the less fortunate and serve them food! totally humbling experience . then this passed weekend went to cellebrate EJS bday at the block then guppies with jim my sister and mike. then on sunday the missions team performed at TLCC the speaker was spectacular! then we went to kuya jons for a great BBQ THEN FISHING AT NIGHT! I CAUGHT A STINGRAY! IT WAS AWESOME! THEN WE WENT TO NORMS FOR A LATE DINNER. MAN I LOVE THAT PLACE! then monday (MEMORIAL DAY!) we had a kickback at my house so much food and drinks! it was a really good turn out, about 30 + people. Awesome 3 on 3, Awesome guitar hero, not so awesome lakers, but we will get them tonight!

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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

so im bored at work,

so im bored at work, got nothing to do, just waiting to get my full 4 hours so i can clock out! well my week is good! bye!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

PROM WAS FREAKEN AMAZING! best

PROM WAS FREAKEN AMAZING! best prom i have been to ever! and if you are wondering it was my 4rth one! I KNOW RIGHT!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

im buying these next!! only 53$! lol hopefully they still have this in my size!

look what i bought today!! only 46$ i love Undefeated sales!! it was normally 100+!! :) but i wanted to buy the other one also! :(

Friday, March 20, 2009

kids these days, i tell

kids these days, i tell you they will try anything to fit in.....

Thursday, March 5, 2009

So im in line at our bursars office waiting to pay for my classes, i dont know why but it feels like a friday! its crazy! this week is passing by pretty slow, maybe cuz i went snowboarding on tuesday, and its like too early in the week to do something that awesome! haha but i thought it would actually be the opposite. but whatever what the im at the register and it cost 135! i thought it would be like 120! lame i had 126 in cash! :( llllaaaammmmeee! thats why you dont go snowboarding! haha man ive been really lagging it on my bloggin i totally forgot i could do it on my phone. only thing that sucks is if i write a long blog i type so quick now it registers like 3 seconds late! haha but its still awesome how i am writing this blog as i walk to my car, well im off to get my TB test! ill ttyl!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Man yesterday was awesome! went snowboarding on a tuesday night! 30 bucks! night boarding! im super sore because i was on heelside the whole time because the snow was so hard and icy i couldnt practice my toeside! maybe next time! and im going again to big bear with elok next thursday! anyone wanna go?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Pretty freaken pissed off

So this morning was when the waitlist opened for spring, so i got up at 5:30 got my laptop, my sisters laptop and eunice's computer put them all on the login menu and waited for it to hit 6am cuz thats when the site reopens. then i had my house phone and eunice's house and cell phone ready to call to register ont he phone. 6 a.m. hit, NEVER GOT THROUGH ONLINE CUZ THE SERVER WAS SO OVERRUN WITH PEOPLE! it wasnt til 6:45 that eunice finally got through the phone and registered me and now i am 10/10 on the waitlist for micro. so basically im screwed but im believe God wil make a way! i really need this class, its my last pre-req! and i cant not get in cuz it sets me back a another semester from applying and most of all the board at mt. sac said this was my last chance and if i dont do it then i dont get in since it was a approved petition to take micro over it only qualifies for this semester :( And i just tried registering for EVERY SINGLE MICRO CLASS they are all FULL :( pray for me guys please im so angry right now! THANKS EUNICE FOR HELPING ME

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Philosophy Essay :)

Edward Lara
Phil 5 TWTh 7:30am
2/5/09
The Cosmological/Teleological Argument

After studying both arguments for the existence of God, I found that both are the same, they serve the same purpose, one is just more broad then the other. For the cosmological argument, in itself is an argument type more than a particular argument. It uses the pattern of logos that creates a conclusion from assumed facts about the world to the existence of God. Simply stated it says that the universe exists, therefore God exists. There are a variety of different ways of arguing from this premise to this conclusion. For the teleological argument it argues the same basis with a more personal view, it gives us a better perspective of a designer that gives us a purpose, basically it’s the idea that it takes a “purpose” to have a purpose. Thus, if things are intended for a purpose, there must have been something that caused it for a reason, God.
The atheistic belief today is that the universe came to existence all by chance, and that at one point, came to existence out of nothing. How is this comprehendible, how does something come out of nothing? How does this complex universe come to pass from a black space of nothingness? In the cosmological the argument is this. First, a contingent being exists, us. We have a cause of or explanation for our existence. Our cause of or explanation for our existence is something other than ourselves. What exactly explains our existence? It must either be other contingent beings or include necessary being, God. But other contingent beings alone can’t provide a sufficient explanation for the existence of others. So there must a necessary being involved, God. Therefore a necessary being must exist, God must exist. Now through this deductive reasoning doesn’t this seem more logical than ”The universe came from nothing and came to pass all by chance”?
The teleological has the same reasoning but through examples in our world. If things show marks of design there must be a designer. Things such as Mt. Rushmore and the Grand Canyon are very different, in such because one was created with a design and by an intelligent being, the other was through random/natural acts of nature. Scientifically it is nowhere to be found that design is spontaneous, random and by chance, it always implies a designer. So obviously the greater the design then greater must be the designer. Based on this conclusion the universe itself would require a designer way beyond itself, something supernatural. Because the universe shows marks of design then the universe must have been created. When looked at thoroughly every life for on earth is highly complex. And there are hundreds of conditions that are required for life on earth. From mass and density to lightening activity all must be perfect for life to be sustained here. So the random chance of all these things occurring seems unlikely does it not? The odds of this occurring randomly are very high and not probable. With so much design is it logical to believe that we just got “lucky”?
Even with evolution being introduced into play, the intelligent design theory shows problems in the theory of evolution because it shows that chance simply cannot play a role explain life on earth. And even single celled bacteria have such a complexity that if even one part were missing there would be no potential for survival. This shows that the parts could not have occurred by chance.
The problem people seem to have with the existence of God isn’t in the two arguments themselves but in the attributes given to God and the current status of the society. The problem is with Evil the premise goes as followed: 1. If God exists, then evil would not exist 2. Evil exists 3. Therefore God does not exist. The question is, how can an all loving and all powerful God let there be so much evil in the world. But I believe this can be easily explained. Alvin planting had two implied premises when it came to this problem. He said that if God is omnipotent (all powerful) then he can create any world he desires. And because he is omnibenevolent, he would much prefer a world without evil over a world with evil. But this is when the “free will” comes to play. Because God has given us free will it is logically impossible to have a world of only good because of the simple fact that we can choose bad or evil. It is like trying to think of a four sided triangle it is impossible. Also because the whole world does not believe in God we cannot have a good society, because the belief in God and his teaching would greatly improve society. With this in mind the thought of St. Augustine comes to mind. He stated that “Evil is the absence of Good”. It is logical to believe this, there is such thing as heat, lots of heat, mega-heat, a little heat and even infinite heat, but there is no such thing as “cold”, we can go as far as 458 degrees below zero which is the total absence of heat. But there is no such thing as “cold” because we would be able to go colder than that. Cold is just a word we describe as the absence of heat. Another example is the thought of darkness, there is no such thing as darkness. It is the absence of light. You can have normal light, low light, or bright light but when you have no light you have darkness, which is what we use to define the word. If it weren’t true then you could always make darkness darker, but you can’t. So now, does evil exist? No, not in itself, evil is could simply be stated as the absence of God, just like cold or darkness, it’s a word we have created to describe the absence of God.
Looking at all the evidence, all the theories and all the arguments, everything logically points to a creator or designer. It is much too unlikely for everything to have occurred by chance. There had to be a necessary being to create a contingent being. So there must be a God.


I hope i get a good grade! i just finished it right now! 5am! lol

Friday, January 30, 2009

To Those who are looking for the "ONE"

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone To have a deep soul relationship with another. To be loved thoroughly, and exclusively But God to the Christian says, No… Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and contented with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally unreserved to Me. Discovering that only Me is your satisfaction to be found Then you will be capable of the perfect human relationship That I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else. Exclusive of any desires and longing. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing One that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best, please allow Me to give it to you. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am Keep listening and learning the things I tell you You just wait…that’s all! Don’t be anxious, don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things other have gotten or I have given them. Don’t look at the things you think you have. You just keep looking off and away up to Me… Or you’ll miss what I want to show you… And then, when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love Far more wonderful than any of you dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready. (I’m working to have you both ready at the same time), Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepare for you. You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies Your relationship with Me and is thus the perfect time. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me. And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty. Perfection and love that I offer you myself Know that I love you utterly, Believe and be satisfied.

Amen to that

Friday, January 23, 2009

I find it funny how

One day i can be so angry and irritated at the world, and the next its like you know what stuff happens, people make mistakes, or people really do care (it just seems like they don't) for everyone who called yesterday sorry i took a day to just hang out and step off the grid, first because i used it to think and second because i didnt have minutes (mainly why i didn't answer anyone's call) but I've had a lot of time to think and ponder and you know what things happen, drama happens, but most of the time its cuz people care, even if i hate it and its something against me i just gotta grit my teeth and take it in i guess sucks, i want to lash out, i guess that's what my last blog was about, it really wasn't directed to anyone i was just so frustrated with so many people asking questions and its like not even a question, more of a statement that really gets tiring so sorry, i guess a lot of whats on a blog shouldn't be taking completely seriously because a blog is used to vent correct? so I am pretty much back to normal, im fine, im cool, but i still am not answering calls before 9 haha unless you are verizon! so i guess i will talk to you guys later!

Let what passed be past

And look forward to the future. Deal? DEAL! :D

Thursday, January 22, 2009

some things will

Never change, but that's life. It's cool im over it, people don't want to believe what I say and chismis chismis chismis then its all good, its just talk. So go ahead talk all you want, I know the truth, you dont. What i love is i have found my true friends through these experiences and if you are questioning if you are one of them then you probably aren't =). But like i said that's life, there's no point getting bent out of shape about it we are still friends I'm not gonna be fake with our friendship or anything i have just got my eyes opened and seen peoples true characters. I am so glad i did my devotion last night because I know that even if it seems things are hectic God is always in control and always has a plan "His tracking in my life will never Fail". I don't have anyone to depend on (FRIENDS, family, co-workers) But God and that's all i need. :) peace.

BTW "GOOD MORNING!"

Monday, January 19, 2009

Sunday, January 18, 2009

this weekend

WAS INCREDIBLE! you guys have no Idea, well only 1 person has an idea kinda sucks how amazing it was cuz now that im stuck here at home doing nothing its so BLAH!!! I WANNA DO SOMETHING!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I have been so happy these past few weeks you guys dont even know! i have spent it with people i love and care about so much! especially my best friend! love you guys! if u wanna know about my week read genelles blog lol

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Friday, January 2, 2009

So im here at work pretty bored, and i just realized the value of family, and the saying " friends come and go, but family is there forever" I've taken my family for granted way too much this last year, and this year its gonna be different, ive always put my friends first but thats gonna change. It just sucks that i realized this the day after my family leaves for the Philippines. meh its ok ill make it eem like they are still here lol well ya as for new years iit was kool. kinda boring cuz there was no get together at our house like usual, just immediate family. And there were no fireworks AT ALL! not even street legal (cuz we always have the best illegal ones) but it was nice cuz after the countdown we got in a circle and prayed for the coming year, it was awesome!

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